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LESBIAN FAMILIES IN THE SOUTH Birmingham Civil Rights Museum Photo Exhibit
Founded to teach about human rights and the fight for equality during the days of racial segregation, the Birmingham Civil Rights Institute is introducing a new topic: Lesbian awareness in the South.
The museum opens a new exhibit March 30 - June 11 featuring photographs of lesbian couples and families living in the Deep South.
These are straightforward and modest portraits of couples and families. The subjects are parents, children, partners, lovers and friends. Some face the camera with frank and smiling faces. Others are paired in simple embraces, linking hands, touching shoulders, circling waists, lightly hugging. Still others are pictured with their backs to the camera, shielding their identities from view. Caution feels necessary to some of the women, as they are part of a groundbreaking exhibit, “Living in Limbo: Lesbian Families in the Deep South.”
The 40 images in the show are stark and plain, shot against a white background, all large-scale color photographs, have been created by Carolyn Sherer, a longtime Birmingham resident and member of the city’s lesbian community.
“I want to open people’s hearts and minds to the value of LGBT families,” Sherer says. “The idea was to put a face on the lesbian community, and get a conversation started about injustice. Love and commitment looks the same for everybody.”
Organizers say the exhibition is meant to encourage civil dialogue about inclusion and equality in Birmingham. While lesbians are the focus of the exhibit, titled “Living in Limbo: Lesbian Families in the Deep South,” professional photographer Carolyn Sherer said her work also is meant to encourage greater inclusion for gay men, bisexuals and people who are transgendered.
“We’re hoping to start a conversation about equality for everyone,” said Sherer. She has never before acknowledged her homosexuality publicly, but the exhibit includes a photo of her and her partner.
The art exhibition is the first at the 20-year-old Civil Rights Institute to feature homosexuals. The longtime president of the museum, Lawrence J Pijeaux Jr., said Thursday he has received more than 125 emails in support of the exhibit and just one complaint.
While the downtown institute is best known for its focus on civil rights, Pijeaux said the exhibit fits its overall theme of promoting human rights.
LINKS:
Birmingham Civil Rights Institute Washington Post: Ala Civil Rts Museum shows Photos of Lesbian Families Living in Limbo: Lesbian Photo Exhibit at Bham Civil Rts Institute
KIDS' QUESTIONS When Kids Bring Up LGBT Subjects
Note: Sometimes moms can face big questions while driving kids around. The carpool kids in the back seat seem to ask all manner of interesting questions. What happens when they bring up LGBT topics like same-sex marriage? Lee Rose Emery is the writer of the award-winning blog, LACityMom: Tips From the Carpool Lane.
Deep conversations with my kids seem to always arise in the car. "The most important thing about marriage," I told my kids when the subject came up, "is that you pick someone who is kind, and who really loves you."
My son (then 6) replied, "Then I would definitely NOT marry John (his friend who punches.) My older daughter (then 8) said, "Boys can't marry boys," to which my son responded, "But Noah has two dads!"
And I had thought this was going to be an uncomplicated ride home.
My son's preschool friend, Noah, indeed does have two dads, who have become very much a part of our inner circle of friends. Yet, in that moment in the car, my mind immediately jumped to the subject of the birds and the bees, and I started to feel unsure about what the kids' next questions would be, and how to thoughtfully and appropriately proceed.
I decided to poll a range of parents and ask an expert to see how they would discuss the topic of nontraditional families with small children.
Laurie, 20, mother of two, from Massachusetts, says she has not discussed the topic but it has been on her mind.
"Our town is homogeneous and traditional. In not mentioning that there are alternative lifestyles, I worry that the kids will just assume that the traditional family structure is the 'right way'. I want to expose them to other ways of life, but I don't want it to be artificial. My brother converted to Catholicism, and his views are becoming more and more conservative. We don't see them a lot, but as the kids get older I wonder what they are going to hear."
A Los Angeles parent wrote to me, "I did have this conversation in the framework of families ... because he is exposed to that in our life. My son is 6 and one client has two children with her partner. My son was more concerned with the science of it. Which one was the No. 1 mommy? He thought the woman who carried the child would be the No. 1 mommy but was going to clarify who that was next time he saw my client. I told him that wasn't a polite question to ask. Unsure if that was the right thing to say or not. He does not know about the birds and the bees but has observed that most kids have some identifiable parent of both sexes."
Parenting expert Betsy Brown Braun said, "There is nothing loaded about this for kids ... it is loaded for parents, as it challenges our ability to discuss our own feelings ... we are all victims of the attitudes and worlds in which we were raised." Braun says how parents approach the topic of difference and how they communicate that to their children will either teach them to accept difference or not.
Braun, the author of "You're Not the Boss of Me: Brat-proofing Your Four- to Twelve-Year-Old Child," also stressed that when the subject of same-sex couples arises it need not be a conversation about sexuality or reproduction, but instead about diversity.
Heather, 37, from Massachusetts, has a 9-year-old adopted daughter. Her daughter knows some children with same-sex parents from school, but no questions have come up on the topic.
Heather says, "My faith is something that is very important to me, and it (same-sex partnership) is something I don't believe in, but I also feel that it is not my job to judge." Should the topic arise, Heather said she would discuss it as a choice that some people make.
I called Noah's dad, Greg, and asked what his kids (he also has an 8-year-old daughter) say to other kids about their family. "When Noah and his sister meet a new friend and they ask who their mommy is, they say, 'I don't have a mommy. I have two dads.' " The daughter says she acts as if it is a matter of fact, as if it is the silliest question in the world.
Noah's dad went on to say, "Adults get nervous about talking about it because they're thinking the kids are talking about sex." (Just as I had that day in the car.) "It's not about sex," he said, "It's about interpersonal relationships."
Rebecca, from Los Angeles, said: "We have two young children (ages 3½ and 20 months.) And we also have some same-sex couple friends. We have never directly addressed the question, although we surely would if the kids asked. My view is that we do not directly address male-female couples so why treat same-sex couples any differently? We treat our same-sex couple friends and refer to them the same way we do for any other couple. For instance, Dan and Mark are usually discussed as a single unit, just like Jane and Jack."
Keeping the conversation on the level of personal choice rather than sexuality makes it something kids can understand. But what if kids do want to know about the science and the logistics of how a child could be conceived without a man and a woman?
With young children, Braun says, "Keep it simple. To make a baby you need a part from a man and a woman." Greg tells his children, "Two men can't have a baby, so we found a woman who was willing to help us."
Traditional family does not exist in the same way that it used to. My kids have friends with single parents, stepparents, adoptive parents and gay parents.
Dr. Gloria Walther, author and director of the Walther Pre-School in Los Angeles, advises that when we speak to our young children, "We use a larger brush stroke to define family. The true thing is a family is made up of adults and children that love and trust. That intimate circle of family is defined by the people in it."
WHO'S A FAMILY? New Study Tracks Shifting US Views
As much as Americans revere the family, they differ sharply on how to define it. New research being released Wednesday shows steadily increasing recognition of unmarried couples — gay and straight — as families. But there's a solid core resisting this trend who are more willing to include pets in their definition than same-sex partners.
How "family" is defined is a crucial question on many levels. Beyond the debate over same-sex marriage, it affects income tax filings, adoption and foster care practices, employee benefits, inheritance rights and countless other matters.
The new research on the topic is contained in a book-length study, "Counted Out: Same-Sex Relations and Americans' Definition of Family" and in a separate 2010 survey overseen by the book's lead author, Indiana University sociologist Brian Powell.
Between 2003 and 2010, three surveys conducted by Powell's team showed a significant shift toward counting same-sex couples with children as family — from 54 percent of respondents in 2003 to 68 percent in 2010. In all, more than 2,300 people were surveyed.
Powell linked the changing attitudes to a 10 percent rise between 2003 and 2010 in the share of survey respondents who reported having a gay friend or relative.
"This indicates a more open social environment in which individuals now feel more comfortable discussing and acknowledging sexuality," Powell said.
"The sheer idea that gay couples are given less status than pets should give us pause," Powell said in an interview.
In the 2010 survey, 83 percent of the respondents said they perceived unmarried heterosexual couples with children as a family; only 40 percent extended that recognition to unmarried straight couples without children.
In line with several recent national opinion polls, Powell's 2010 survey showed a near-even split on same-sex marriage — with 52 percent supporting it and 48 percent opposed.
Even though five states and the District of Columbia now allow same-sex marriages, the federal government doesn't recognize them. The Census Bureau definition of "family" remains traditional: "A family is a group of two people or more (one of whom is the householder) related by birth, marriage, or adoption and residing together."
Many religious conservatives hope the government sticks by that definition, even in the face of shifts in public opinion. "Same-sex marriage is a dangerous social experiment," said Glenn Stanton, director of family formation studies for Focus on the Family. "A lesbian couple who legally married in Massachusetts — are they family? We would say, 'Absolutely not.'" Stanton said it was increasingly difficult to engage in serious debate on the definition question.
"We're moving in this headlong direction toward same-sex families without any intelligent discussion about whether it's actually good for the children and the adults," he said. "This whole issue has boiled down to, 'Are you a bigot or not?'" The shifts described in Powell's research pleased Jennifer Chrisler, executive director of the Family Equality Council, which advocates on behalf of same-sex families.
"People are taking a more expansive view of what a family is," said Chrisler. "But for any family that doesn't fit the 1960s Ozzie and Harriet mold, slow and steady doesn't feel fast enough."
Chrisler and her wife, Cheryl Jacques, a former Massachusetts state senator, are raising twin boys. The Family Equality Council has been lobbying on behalf of a bill pending in Congress that would prohibit states and child welfare agencies from denying adoption or foster care placements solely based on the sexual orientation or marital status of the potential parents.
The bill is targeted at states such as Florida, which bans gays and lesbians from adopting — a policy now being challenged in court.
The bill, introduced by Rep. Pete Stark, D-Calif., has been applauded by the Alternatives to Marriage Project because it encompasses single people as well as same-sex couples.
"I get frequent letters and e-mails from people who find the political rhetoric of 'family' to be extremely exclusive of singles," said the project's executive director, Nicky Grist. "For singles, it might be a code for 'You don't count.'"
For Powell, the major finding of his new research is the shifting view of same-sex families — which he compared to the gradual acceptance of interracial marriage.
"We envisage a day in the near future when same-sex families also will gain acceptance by a large plurality of the public," he wrote.
His book was published by the Russell Sage Foundation, a social science research center, as part of a series overseen by the American Sociological Association.
The surveys were conducted by telephone, among a random selection of households, and the characteristics of the samples were compared with census data to verify that they were representative. There were 712 interviews in 2003, 815 in 2006 and 830 this year.
LINKS:
Gay Marriage Statistics
STABLE FAMILY February 2011
"The sexual orientation of my parents had had zero effect on my character." Those were the words of Zach Wahls, a 19-year-old University of Iowa student who spoke about the strength of his family during a public forum on House Joint Resolution 6 in the Iowa House of Representatives. Wahls has two mothers, and came to oppose House Joint Resolution 6 which would end civil unions in Iowa.
FAMILY & RELATIONSHIP STATS Data About LGBT Families
A recent study reported that 55.5% of gay men and 71.2% of lesbians were in steady relationships.
An estimated 6 million to 14 million
children have a lesbian or gay parent.
Courts in 11 states have ruled that gay men
and lesbians, on the basis of their sexual
orientation, are unfit to receive custody of
their children. A review of 9 studies of aspects of personal development--such as self-concept, moral judgment, and intelligence-revealed no significant difference between children of lesbians and gay men and children of heterosexuals.
THE
STRUGGLE TO BE A FAMILY
When government forms inquire of her marital status, Isabelle Barker sometimes resorts to an asterisk and an explanatory note.
She and her wife, Cara Palladino, got married five years ago (2005) in Massachusetts. Six months later, for job reasons, they moved to Pennsylvania, one of the majority of states that do not recognize same-sex marriages.
Hence the asterisk. "I'm not single. I'm married in Massachusetts, but I'm not married in Pennsylvania, I'm not married in the eyes of the federal government," she said. "It's this weird limbo, this legal netherworld."
Barker and Palladino, and their 15-month-old son, Will, have plenty of company across the United States as gay and lesbian couples confront an unprecedented and often confusing patchwork of marriage laws.
Historically, such laws have been the jurisdiction of the states, not the federal government, and the common practice throughout U.S. history has been for any given state to recognize a marriage performed legally in another state.
The advent of same-sex marriage in 2004 has changed all that.
Five states — Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont, New Hampshire and Iowa — and the District of Columbia have legalized same-sex marriage. New York and Maryland recognize those marriages even though same-sex couples cannot wed within their borders. California had legal same-sex marriage for about five months in 2008.
However, the federal government does not recognize same-sex marriage, nor do the rest of the 50 states, including Pennsylvania. Even with a valid out-of-state marriage license, gay and lesbian couples in those states face uncertainty, extra legal bills and inevitable rebuffs that male-female couples avoid.
Barker and Palladino, who began dating in 1998, moved from New York to Massachusetts in 2004 and were married in February 2005 in a low-key ceremony at a Northampton coffee shop.
They had previously exchanged commitment rings. The chief motive for marrying was to obtain health insurance for Barker through Palladino's job at the University of Massachusetts.
Later in 2005, Barker's own academic job ended and she was offered a postdoctoral fellowship at Bryn Mawr College outside Philadelphia. The couple decided to move, although they knew there would be drawbacks. "In Massachusetts, people understood what our relationship was," Palladino said. "I miss being able to say, 'Oh, we're married' and not having to explain it any further."
Barker elaborated.
"When you're in Pennsylvania, you're constantly having to wonder, 'Do they get this? Do they not get this?'" she said. "You get these looks of befuddlement."
Day to day, there is plenty of support from friends, neighbors and employers. Barker coordinates summer programs at Bryn Mawr, and Palladino is a fundraiser at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia. They feel comfortable in their diverse Philadelphia neighborhood, Mount Airy, and send Will to a day-care center patronized by several other lesbian couples.
But frustration was evident as they told of the hoops they had to jump through, at extra cost, to amass legal documents they would not have needed in Massachusetts, including a second-parent adoption giving Palladino parental rights along with Barker, who is Will's biological mother. At their lawyer's advice, the two women have stored their legal forms on flash drives that they carry constantly.
"We're 12 years into our relationship," Palladino said. "I'd just like to know when we're done proving it over and over. ... To have to work harder and save harder to make up for what everybody else gets just as an entitlement does really make me angry."
LINKS:
Legal Out
Article
MARRIAGE & FAMILY
Rosie and Kelli O'Donnell Childhood: Rosie O'Donnell was born in 1962 to Edward and Roseann O'Donnell. Rosie's mother died of breast cancer when she was 10 years old. She describes the time of her mother's death as extremely difficult.
Sleepless in Seattle - 1993 Beautiful Girls - 1996 A Very Brady Sequel - 1996 Talk Show Host: Rosie hosted The Rosie O'Donnell Show from 1996-2002. She won an Emmy in 1998 for Outstanding Talk Show.
Son Parker Jaren adopted in 1995 Daughter Chelsea Belle adopted in 1997 Son Blake Carpenter adopted in 1999 Vivienne Rose O'Donnell born to Rosie's partner Kelli Carpenter in 2002
Rosie was appalled during her trial with her magazine that her partner Kelli was called to testify against her. Married spouses are protected from testifying against each other. Rosie said, "We applied for spousal privilege and were denied it by the state. As a result, everything that I said to Kelli, every letter that I wrote her, every e-mail, every correspondence and conversation was entered into the record," O'Donnell said. "After the trial, I am now and will forever be a total proponent of gay marriage."
GAY ADOPTION STATS Children in foster care "are already scarred" by abuse and neglect, says Bill Maier, a child psychologist with the conservative Focus on the Family. "We would want to do everything we could to place them in the optimal home environment."
"As a gay person, as a child, you kind of know what it's like to be the odd one out," said O'Donnell, a lesbian who has four adopted children, including one born to her partner, Kelli Carpenter O'Donnell. "To deny people the right to try to reach kids who are unreachable is wrong."
"This is not an issue about gays," says Ohio House Speaker Jon Husted, a Republican, who was adopted as a child. "This is about children." Although he favored legislation to ban same-sex marriage in Ohio, he opposes the adoption bill and has no plans to schedule a hearing to discuss it.
LGBT ADOPTION
Photo below: Cari Searcy (left) and Kim McKeand with Khaya Ray Searcy in Mobile (AP Photo by Robb Carr)
The legal resolution of the court case might have a wide impact — according to 2000 census data, there are gay families in every county in the state. And the issue is not confined to Alabama.
He said the community should support the children no matter what kind of family they grow up in.
Jonathan Klein, associate professor of pediatrics at the University of Rochester in New York, contributed to the July article and is the chair of the AAP Committee on Adolescence.
PRAYER FOR BOBBY
In 1989, Leroy Aarons read a newspaper story about a
young man's suicide. Particularly striking to him was
the mother, Mary Griffith, who had tried throughout her
son's adolescence to "pray away" his "gay nature". Bobby
Griffith suffered enormously from his family’s lack of
support and the condemnation of his church. At age 20,
he jumped to his death from a freeway bridge in
Portland, Oregon.
Mary was transformed by her loss and eventually
renounced the rigid religious beliefs that had kept her
from fully accepting Bobby during his lifetime.
Book Link: Amazon: Prayers for Bobby (Mother’s Coming to Terms with the Suicide of Her Gay Son)
Movie Links:
Lifetime TV: Prayers
for Bobby (TV Movie)
CYNDI LAUPER & HER LESBIAN SISTER The car barrels around the corner. Everyone’s laughing. Over dinner, Cyndi and Elen talk about everything — their Sicilian grandmother, their first guitar, Cyndi’s son, Elen’s first big crush. Cyndi advises you to put some Parmesan on your pasta. Once or twice, she grins and breaks out into a little song.
Elen has come in for the
weekend from southern California, where she lives with her partner and
has her own acupuncture and Chinese herbology practice.
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A L G B T I C A L Association for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Issues in Counseling of Alabama
