AGLBICAL

CYNDI LAUPER & HER LESBIAN SISTER
Interview With Cyndi and Elen

Cyndi & Elen Lauper Talk About First Crushes, Fairness & Cousin Vinny’s Wedding in Summer 2006 Edition of MRC's Equality Magazine

There you are, flying across midtown Manhattan at sunset in a town car with the Lauper sisters. Cyndi is talking about growing up in Queens — the family going fishing at the break of day, at the insistence of their father, and then staying to see the very last colors of the sky, as insisted by their mom.

The car barrels around the corner. Everyone’s laughing. Over dinner, Cyndi and Elen talk about everything — their Sicilian grandmother, their first guitar, Cyndi’s son, Elen’s first big crush. Cyndi advises you to put some Parmesan on your pasta. Once or twice, she grins and breaks out into a little song.

Both women are smart, compassionate and unafraid to say what they think. They’re at ease with each other — and most importantly, themselves.

Elen has come in for the weekend from southern California, where she lives with her partner and has her own acupuncture and Chinese herbology practice.

Currently, Cyndi is starring in her first Broadway role ever — as Jenny in Bertolt Brecht’s renowned The Threepenny Opera. Over the years, the singer has tackled everything from coming out to the complications of a drag queen’s double life to abortion. And her voice is still a force to be reckoned with.

Recently, she performed at the Nobel Peace Concert, toured with Cher and was nominated for a 2005 Grammy award for her interpretation of the song “Unchained Melody.”

And the fans, don’t you know, still hang around outside the back stage door for a good two hours, waiting to catch a glimpse of Cyndi. Once an icon, always an icon.

Equality: When you two were growing up, you learned about the importance of acceptance, of speaking out.

Elen: Our mother learned by listening to John Kennedy in his speeches. And what she learned from the era, she tried to instill in us.

Cyndi: We came from an immigrant family. We came here for a better life. Our mother and father were first-generation Americans. We learned from that.

Elen: We were very fortunate. Our parents loved the arts and loved to read, to go to museums — always learning. We listened to classical music as kids. My mother loved to dance. She loved “Afternoon of the Faun” by Debussy. When we were kids, at night, we would go to sleep listening to it.

Cyndi: Our mother always said, “You have to have faith in yourself.” What drove me during that time of civil rights was that I saw such injustice against women. Of course, the law never protected women then. You’ve got to know your history, and when you know your history and where you came from, you know you must never allow that to happen again.

Equality: Yes, and efforts to discriminate keep coming. Like the anti-gay Federal Marriage Amendment, which says that marriage is only between a man and a woman.

Elen: It’s the first time a group would have something taken away from them, under the Constitution.

Elen: I was so confused. I left home to figure out who I was. One of the things we don’t address much in the gay community is our own internalized homophobia. It’s not just the prejudices of the environment, our family, our friends, our schools. It’s also the kind of stuff we internalize. It’s a process of becoming comfortable with yourself. When you can do that, then it’s a much easier thing to tell people around you what’s going on. When I actually told Cyndi I was gay, she just said, “Yeah, you didn’t know?” When I told my mother, she had to think a minute. She didn’t see it. She didn’t get it. Not because she was a bad person — she just had no exposure.

Cyndi: Well, it was our mother who told us that no matter who you are, “You’re my kids, even if you come riding in on horseback.”

Elen: Our father did too. That’s where we got it from. We were very fortunate.

Equality: Elen, now what is it that you have to be accepting of about Cyndi?

Cyndi: [Interrupts.] Oh, lots of stuff. The fact that I used to like pink. The fact that I wanted to wear all her clothes.

Rosie and Kelli O'Donnell were married in San Francisco in 2004. Rosie appeared on Good Morning America and called President Bush's statement against same-sex marriages, "the most vile and hateful words ever spoken by a sitting president." Rosie and her partner Kelli have been together since 1998. Kelli changed her last name from Carpenter to O'Donnell.

Childhood: Rosie O'Donnell was born in 1962 to Edward and Roseann O'Donnell. Rosie's mother died of breast cancer when she was 10 years old. She describes the time of her mother's death as extremely difficult.

Star Search: Rosie toured comedy clubs from 1979-1984. She was a comedy champion on the TV show Star Search and hosted Stand-Up Spotlight on VH1.

Movie Credits: Rosie has appeared in the following movies:
A League of Their Own -1992

Sleepless in Seattle - 1993

Beautiful Girls - 1996

A Very Brady Sequel - 1996

Children:

Son Parker Jaren adopted in 1995

Daughter Chelsea Belle adopted in 1997

Son Blake Carpenter adopted in 1999

Vivienne Rose O'Donnell born to Rosie's partner Kelli Carpenter in 2002

Married!: Rosie has been with her partner Kelli Carpenter since 1998. They married in San Francisco on February 26, 2004 as one of more than 3,000 couples who tied the knot after Mayor Gavin Newsom declared gay unions legal in that County.

Coming Out: Rosie came out in March 2002 in an interview with Diane Sawyer on Primetime Thursday.

Magazine: Rosie walked away from Rosie magazine in 2002 claiming she had lost editorial control.

Rosie the Activist: Rosie decided to come out as a lesbian after learning the plight of a gay couple from Florida who were not allowed to adopt the foster children they were raising. Steve Lofton and Roger Croteau have several foster children that they wish to adopt. The laws in Florida do not allow for same-sex couples to adopt. Rosie told Diane Sawyer, "I don't think America knows what a gay parent looks like. I am a gay parent."

Rosie was appalled during her trial with her magazine that her partner Kelli was called to testify against her. Married spouses are protected from testifying against each other. Rosie said, "We applied for spousal privilege and were denied it by the state. As a result, everything that I said to Kelli, every letter that I wrote her, every e-mail, every correspondence and conversation was entered into the record," O'Donnell said. "After the trial, I am now and will forever be a total proponent of gay marriage."

A Mobile woman raising a baby boy with the child's mother wants to adopt him as a second parent, a legal step of significance in a state that just passed a constitutional amendment banning gay marriages.

Cari Searcy's partner, Kim McKeand, gave birth to the baby boy in December with the aid of a donor. Searcy then sought to become the adoptive parent of the child, who bears her last name. Adoption would give Searcy rights to make medical decisions for the child as well as securing the sense of family in their home.

But Searcy's application was denied in probate court May 3. McKeand said the judge ruled against adoption because Alabama does not recognize same-sex marriages. She said their case is now going to the Alabama Court of Civil Appeals.

"We're going to do whatever we can to get it passed here," Searcy said. "It is discouraging when we think about the current environment against gays in our state, but I have to believe that somewhere in our court system there are still fair-minded judges."

McKeand, 28, and Searcy, 30, who met at college in Texas and moved to Mobile five years ago, have real concerns about the medical care of the baby, Khaya Ray Searcy. The child was born with a hole in his heart and the first weeks were difficult.

"He had to have open heart surgery in Atlanta and we ran into some issues with my not being a legal parent," Searcy said. "It was really hard." McKeand said she had to learn how to insert a feeding tube in Khaya's nose before they could bring him home from the hospital. Because she didn't feel comfortable doing the procedure, Searcy volunteered to learn. But the nurses would not teach her.

"They said, 'No, you're not the parent, Kim is,' " McKeand said. "Finally it took our doctor — the cardiologist — to step in and say it was OK." Khaya now has a clean bill of health, but the couple has not forgotten the experience.

The legal resolution of the court case might have a wide impact — according to 2000 census data, there are gay families in every county in the state. And the issue is not confined to Alabama.

"It's happening all over the country," said Adam Pertman, executive director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute.

"It's happening because the agencies responsible for those kids have decided that the gay and lesbian population is one worth placing kids." The New York-based institute, which is not affiliated with any gay rights organizations, released a report in March that found there is no child-centered reason to prevent gays and lesbians from becoming adoptive parents.

He said the community should support the children no matter what kind of family they grow up in.

"Bringing our views or prejudices on the kids is not productive," he said. "The community should support a system that places kids in permanent, safe and loving homes. We have to support that for the sake of the kids." The American Academy of Pediatrics supports legislation and legal efforts to provide second-parent adoptions by same-sex parents. The Alabama chapter of the academy believes all children benefit from being raised by caregivers who are constant, dependable, loving and dedicated to children's safety.

According to an article in the July edition of Pediatrics, in early 2006 efforts were under way in at least 16 states including Alabama to introduce constitutional amendments prohibiting gay and lesbian individuals and couples from adopting children or being foster parents.

"Same-sex parenting is a controversial issue in our country," Linda Lee, executive director of the Alabama chapter, said. "Our main concern is that children, regardless of the circumstances in which they live, receive the best of care."

Jonathan Klein, associate professor of pediatrics at the University of Rochester in New York, contributed to the July article and is the chair of the AAP Committee on Adolescence.

"I think evidence on the developmental outcome of children shows that, overall, two parents are probably better than one," Klein said. He also said that parents with established legal custody have a variety of benefits that isn't always available to same-sex couples even if they're playing that role in a child's life.

"I think if parents are not able to be involved in all aspects of their communities because of a community's attitudes, that potentially damages families," Klein said.

Searcy and McKeand talked about being parents, but it wasn't until about a year ago that they felt it was the right time. "We found a donor who is a really good friend of ours and he signed over all his rights," Searcy said.

They enjoy a measure of acceptance in Mobile. Searcy works for a video production company and McKeand works for a broadcaster that provides domestic partner health benefits covering them both. "Our home is a normal one," said Searcy.

"It's filled with love, commitment and support. Our sexual orientation is just a small part of who we are. Kim and I are dedicated to giving Khaya the best life possible and we're going to do what it takes to do that."