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"In the South, where
we don't talk about
unpleasant things, that
trend has forced us to
talk about it more.
Once you begin to talk
about a prejudice,
it begins to die.''

REV. JIM EVANS

 

"It is discouraging
when we think about
the current environment
against gays in our state,
but I have to believe that
somewhere in our
court system there are
still fair-minded judges."

CARI SEARCY

RELEVANT LINKS

American Counseling
Association

Association of Gay,
Lesbian & Bisexual
Issues in Counseling

Equality Alabama

Central Alabama
Pride

GAY IN ALABAMA
Gay Acceptance Beginning to Grow
 

Deep In Dixie Gay Acceptance Beginning To Grow
by David Crary / Associated Press / May 20, 2006 

   

Alabama...  It's a Bible Belt state, almost certain to toughen its prohibition of gay marriage next month. A major candidate for governor has called homosexuality evil, and a national gay magazine branded Alabama the worst state for gays and lesbians.

So why does Howard Bayless want to stay?

Well, his roots are here, he says. So are his friends. He's partial to the congenial neighborhood in Birmingham that he and other gays helped rescue from decline.

"This is where I've carved out a niche for myself,'' says Bayless, leader of Equality Alabama, who has spent most of his 40 years in the state. ``We've created our community here, and I don't want to leave. I'd rather do the extra work of making my neighbors realize who and what I am.''

In Mobile, Tuscaloosa and elsewhere, Alabama's gays and lesbians - like their counterparts throughout the U.S. heartland - are slowly, steadily gaining more confidence and finding more acceptance.

That doesn't mean relations between gays and other Americans are settled, for one thing, amendments defining marriage as between one man and one woman have passed in 19 states and Alabama is poised to become No. 20 by an overwhelming vote on June 6.

But in the long view, there has been slow, powerful momentum building in the other direction: the quashing of anti-sodomy laws; the extension of anti-bias codes to cover gays; the adoption of domestic-partner policies by countless companies. Recent polls suggest opposition to gay marriage has peaked, and a proposed amendment to the U.S. Constitution banning it is expected to fall far short of the required two-thirds support when the Senate votes on it in early June.

"What Americans see increasingly is there's no negative impact on their own lives to have gays and lesbians living out in the open,'' said Joe Solmonese, president of the Human Rights Campaign. ``They go from an abstract idea to a real person with a real name and a real story. That makes all the difference.''

Kim McKeand and Cari Searcy experience that phenomenon daily in Mobile, where they live openly as a lesbian couple raising a son to whom McKeand gave birth in September.

"We're out to everybody,'' said Searcy, 30. "We know all the neighbors. Everyone else on our street is straight. They say `Hey.' They all wanted to come over and see the baby.''

The couple loves Mobile _ but might consider leaving if Searcy's application to become Khaya's adoptive parent is rejected in the courts.

Those courts weren't accommodating to social worker Jill Bates, who lives in Birmingham with her lesbian partner. She lost custody of her daughter, now 16, to her ex-husband after a legal battle in which her sexual orientation was held against her.

Still, there are other signs of acceptance. An openly lesbian candidate, Patricia Todd, has a strong chance of winning a seat in Alabama's legislature this year - that would be a first. Mobile's recent Pride Parade drew only a handful of protesters. Gay-straight alliances are active at most universities; in the cities, if not the suburbs and small towns, gay-friendly churches are proliferating.

As acceptance increases, so do the concerns of those who believe homosexuality is sinful and wonder if states like Alabama can resist what some have called the erosion of traditional values.

Donna Goodwin, a school board employee in the town of Eclectic, disputes the theory that familiarity with gays leads to support of gay rights.

"I have a lesbian cousin - I can continue to love her without approving of the way she leads her life,'' Goodwin said. "We see each other three or four times a year. We hug. We find out how each other is doing _ but I don't ask her about her girlfriend.'' Goodwin says most Alabamians, however conservative, strive for civility.

"We believe in hospitality - being kind to people whether you approve of their lifestyle or not,'' she said. "But the homosexual community is trying to force us into accepting something that's immoral. If they try to do that, we're going to consolidate and do something about it at the ballot box. We can say, `This far and no farther.' ''

One development that worries her is the increased visibility of gay rights causes at Alabama's colleges, including the University of Alabama, which her son attended.

"The university breaks down the moral values of children,'' she said. ``It's like an open door to whatever is popular at the time _ a hang-loose, do-your-own-thing attitude. It's asking for trouble.''

At the campus in Tuscaloosa, political science department chairman David Lanoue doesn't see the kind of sweeping, pro-gay culture some may fear. But he does see young Alabamians getting messages they might not get at their local high schools and churches.

For example, he said, numerous faculty members display rainbow symbols at their offices, signalling they would provide an empathetic ear to any troubled gay or lesbian student.

"Young people have a more liberal attitude toward sexual preference than their elders,'' Lanoue said. ``Through the national media, they've been brought up on the message that gays and lesbians are part of our society.''

Patty Rudolph, wife of a doctor in the affluent Birmingham suburb of Mountain Brook, said her son knew by age 12 that he was gay, told his family when he was 14, and by 16 choose to go to school in the northeast because he felt _ despite his family's support _ that Alabama was too inhospitable.

The son is now 18 and returns home periodically, reconnecting with friends and family.

"He loves to see us, but after a couple of days he says, `I need to get out of here,' '' Rudolph said. ``There's no overt ugliness.

But he has a sense it isn't as open and welcoming a place as he wants it to be.''

Since her son left, Rudolph has plunged into a new world of activism, doing what she can to make Alabama a state he would one day want to stay in. She speaks at forums and heads the Birmingham chapter of a national support group, Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.

"By telling my family's story, it has a ripple effect. It humanizes the issue,'' she said.

Activists say the sternest anti-gay rhetoric comes mainly from evangelical pastors and politicians. Among them is Republican gubernatorial candidate Roy Moore, who was ousted as state chief justice after refusing to remove a Ten Commandments monument he had placed in the judicial building.

Moore has many fans and many critics, including Birmingham city councillor Valerie Abbott. After the judge wrote in a court ruling that homosexual conduct is ``abhorrent, immoral, detestable,'' Abbott persuaded the council to condemn those assertions.

"Our legislature is like no other place on earth _ it's stuck back in the dark ages,'' she said. ``But Alabama is changing, like the rest of the country is changing. Like every new idea, it takes a while to absorb.''

Rev. Jim Evans, a Baptist minister in Auburn, received numerous thank-you notes from gay-rights supporters after he wrote a newspaper column criticizing the ban-gay-marriage ballot item as an unnecessary and cynical attempt to frighten voters.

Evans hasn't endorsed gay marriage, and he knows opposition to it is deep-seated. But he also sees change coming as Alabamians such as Bayless, Searcy and Rudolph expand the conversation about gays' place in the state.

"In the South, where we don't talk about unpleasant things, that trend has forced us to talk about it more,'' Evans said. "Once you begin to talk about a prejudice, it begins to die.''

by David Crary  / Associated Press

http://www.365gay.com/Newscon06/05/051906south.htm

GAY IN ALABAMA
Same Sex Pair Seek Court Okay to Adopt

A Mobile woman raising a baby boy with the child's mother wants to adopt him as a second parent, a legal step of significance in a state that just passed a constitutional amendment banning gay marriages.

Cari Searcy's partner, Kim McKeand, gave birth to the baby boy in December with the aid of a donor. Searcy then sought to become the adoptive parent of the child, who bears her last name. Adoption would give Searcy rights to make medical decisions for the child as well as securing the sense of family in their home.

But Searcy's application was denied in probate court May 3. McKeand said the judge ruled against adoption because Alabama does not recognize same-sex marriages. She said their case is now going to the Alabama Court of Civil Appeals.
 

Cari Searcy (left) and Kim McKeand with Khaya Ray Searcy in Mobile AP Photo by Robb Carr

"We're going to do whatever we can to get it passed here," Searcy said. "It is discouraging when we think about the current environment against gays in our state, but I have to believe that somewhere in our court system there are still fair-minded judges."

McKeand, 28, and Searcy, 30, who met at college in Texas and moved to Mobile five years ago, have real concerns about the medical care of the baby, Khaya Ray Searcy. The child was born with a hole in his heart and the first weeks were difficult.

"He had to have open heart surgery in Atlanta and we ran into some issues with my not being a legal parent," Searcy said. "It was really hard."

McKeand said she had to learn how to insert a feeding tube in Khaya's nose before they could bring him home from the hospital. Because she didn't feel comfortable doing the procedure, Searcy volunteered to learn.

But the nurses would not teach her.

"They said, 'No, you're not the parent, Kim is,' " McKeand said. "Finally it took our doctor — the cardiologist — to step in and say it was OK."

Khaya now has a clean bill of health, but the couple has not forgotten the experience.

"That's what really pushed me to get this second parent adoption," said Searcy.

Wide impact...

The legal resolution of the court case might have a wide impact — according to 2000 census data, there are gay families in every county in the state. And the issue is not confined to Alabama.

"It's happening all over the country," said Adam Pertman, executive director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute.

"It's happening because the agencies responsible for those kids have decided that the gay and lesbian population is one worth placing kids."

The New York-based institute, which is not affiliated with any gay rights organizations, released a report in March that found there is no child-centered reason to prevent gays and lesbians from becoming adoptive parents.

"Research shows gay and lesbian parents provide good homes," Pertman said.

Support for children...

He said the community should support the children no matter what kind of family they grow up in.

"Bringing our views or prejudices on the kids is not productive," he said. "The community should support a system that places kids in permanent, safe and loving homes. We have to support that for the sake of the kids."

The American Academy of Pediatrics supports legislation and legal efforts to provide second-parent adoptions by same-sex parents. The Alabama chapter of the academy believes all children benefit from being raised by caregivers who are constant, dependable, loving and dedicated to children's safety.

According to an article in the July edition of Pediatrics, in early 2006 efforts were under way in at least 16 states including Alabama to introduce constitutional amendments prohibiting gay and lesbian individuals and couples from adopting children or being foster parents.

"Same-sex parenting is a controversial issue in our country," Linda Lee, executive director of the Alabama chapter, said. "Our main concern is that children, regardless of the circumstances in which they live, receive the best of care."

Two parents better...

Jonathan Klein, associate professor of pediatrics at the University of Rochester in New York, contributed to the July article and is the chair of the AAP Committee on Adolescence.

"I think evidence on the developmental outcome of children shows that, overall, two parents are probably better than one," Klein said.

He also said that parents with established legal custody have a variety of benefits that isn't always available to same-sex couples even if they're playing that role in a child's life.

"I think if parents are not able to be involved in all aspects of their communities because of a community's attitudes, that potentially damages families," Klein said.

Searcy and McKeand talked about being parents, but it wasn't until about a year ago that they felt it was the right time.

"We found a donor who is a really good friend of ours and he signed over all his rights," Searcy said.

They enjoy a measure of acceptance in Mobile. Searcy works for a video production company and McKeand works for a broadcaster that provides domestic partner health benefits covering them both.

"Our home is a normal one," said Searcy.

"It's filled with love, commitment and support. Our sexual orientation is just a small part of who we are. Kim and I are dedicated to giving Khaya the best life possible and we're going to do what it takes to do that."

By Amanda Thomas / Associated Press Writer
 

GAY IN ALABAMA
Incident at Dothan Middle School
 

The lesbian mother of a 12-year-old girl has objected to a sex education pamphlet handed out at a Dothan middle school that describes homosexuality as not being a "legitimate lifestyle."

The pamphlet, titled "The Top 10 Questions Teenagers Ask about Sex," was distributed in March as part of a three-day program at Honeysuckle Middle School. Angela Williams, whose 12-year-old daughter brought it home, approved of much of it, including its abstinence guidance, but not the pamphlet's view of homosexuality.

"I got to question eight and my jaw dropped," she told The Dothan Eagle in a story Tuesday. "I can't believe they went there."

Question No. 8 is: "What can I do if I am attracted to someone of the same sex?" The answer includes the statement: "Too often, homosexuality is shown as a legitimate lifestyle equal to a heterosexual lifestyle." It also says homosexuality is "contrary to the laws of nature."

"It's a good program," said Honeysuckle Principal Patsy Slaughter. "But that's not to say that it can't be reviewed - and that's what we're going to do."

The pamphlet, printed in 2005, was written by Molly Kelly and Mark Houck, who speak widely to teenagers about saving sex for marriage. Their speaking engagements are provided through Generation Life, an Oreland, Pa.-based organization that opposes abortion and promotes chastity.

The pamphlet was included in the program taught by representatives of Crossroads, which was approved by the Dothan City School Board and has been used in Dothan schools for about 15 years. But Steve Stokes, chairman of the board, told the newspaper that the current board has not yet had the opportunity to vote on the program now in place. He said he did not consider it appropriate for his children.

Slaughter said the program involves character education as well as sex education and is meant to help adolescents deal with changes they are experiencing at their age. Parents must sign a consent form for students to participate, and some of the material is available for review at the school.

Paul Carnes, the Dothan coordinator of Equality Alabama, a gay and lesbian group that focuses on issues affecting homosexuals, said the organization is following the Honeysuckle Middle School matter.